Dear Jeanne,

I appreciate your input here.

My wife and I have not done anything on our own for over 6 months. We have two children (7 and 10) and our lives seem to revolve around work and kids and their events and needs.

What happened to US?

Missing My Wife

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Dear Missing My Wife,

You are absolutely “on track” with wanting that quality time with just her. In fact, if one of your dominant love languages is “Quality Time”, you will feel the pangs of this even stronger.

First of all, I understand.

At some point of my own relationship journey, I did not prioritize special time with my husband. Thankfully, he stepped in and arranged dates for us and (literally) whisked me away.

Oftentimes, women can become consumed in a child-centric home culture. For me, it involved some guilt from not being with them during the daytime hours. I strove to catch up on quality time with my children once I got home from my workday. I see many women operate like this.

Communicating your needs and concerns is an important step. My husband spoke up a couple of times about this and I heard his words, but I missed it. What he finally did was to arrange things (babysitter, reservations), so that I only had to dress and go.

It’s interesting to reflect on this now, as it’s not in his nature to do so. I’m thinking that (like you) he was in quite a state of “attrition” to be so proactive.

Your relationship with your wife is a sacred one and should be prioritized on a regular basis. If talking to her about this hasn’t caused any change, then I recommend being more proactive and setting something up. with the details in place. She will enjoy that dedicated time with you and will be ready for the next time.

Many of my clients have worked on this, as they have full schedules. They recognize that advance and regular scheduling of quality time with their partner is part of prioritizing life’s most important things. Consistency in planning things might be your contribution. I encourage you to bring magical moments to your relationship in this way.

Also, quality time does not have to be a scheduled “date night out”. There are lots of smaller ways to get that quality time in with little bits of time every day: a walk after dinner, a foot-rub on the couch before bedtime, lingering over dinner for a few moments of conversation – the little bits add up to more relationship gratification.

Do let me know how this goes and if you have any questions around my suggestions here.

Much love,